I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
