eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
