Yo dont text me then not text me
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
