Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
