i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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