We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
