Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
