I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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