My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
