Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
