You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
