just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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