i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
