I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Still dying that you shit outside
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
