Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
