my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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