these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
