stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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