booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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