you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
