dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
