I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
