I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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