Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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