why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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