he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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