I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
