Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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