just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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