Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
