I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
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