either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
