just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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