Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
