fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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