sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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