Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
