I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
