I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Randomize
