Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
