Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
