Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
