Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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