oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
