I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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