Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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