I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
