I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
