i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
