**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
