just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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