You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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