They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize