I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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