I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
