My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
