I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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