found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
