I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Randomize
