Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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