Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
