So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
