My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Randomize
